So, you’ve been going steady with your lovely Asian woman, things are going well and you are beginning to feel she may be the one for you. Despite all of your friend’s comments and well meaning advice about some of the pitfalls about dating Asian women, you’ve had none of the usual problems… easy, easy…, what’s all the fuss?
Until the day she comes to meet you and says, “Honey/darling/my dear, next weekend, I’d like you to meet my parents. How about next Saturday? Hmm, they are really looking forward to finally meeting you….” You suppress a silent scream and a multitude of thoughts flash through your mind: Aaarghhh, now the fun really starts! What do I do, who do I turn to for help… hellppp….?
Relax, if you can, it’s won’t be quite that bad (really). Despite all of the urban myths, the stories, true and otherwise, the parents of your Asian woman are probably not that dissimilar to the parents of any woman who want the very best for their daughter (well, maybe they are if I am really honest, but let me explain later). Renowned as seriously money oriented, strict and uncompromising, perhaps surprisingly, many Asian parents are not that bad; simply prepare well and learn which “buttons to push” and you’ll be fine.
Make sure you:
Present well: dress to impress, with a good choice of neat, smart clothes for the occasion; if it’s formal, a quality suit and tie; casual means a collared shirt with smart trousers—in fact it’s best let your Asian woman guide you on what to wear—plus have your hair trimmed. Asian parents will initially judge you and your status (plus your suitability for their daughter) based on first impressions
Career: talk about your career and ambitions and hint at your ability to earn money—and even more money (important!). Not everyone can be in one of the professions preferred by Asian parents, such as law or finance or be a doctor or dentist or an engineer. However, as long as you can convince the in-laws that you have a viable career and the ability to continue to earn money and provide for their child in the manner she is used to (or even better) you’ll be on to a winner
Give respect: be humble, yet come over confident; talk softly and intelligently and, vitally, give respect to all senior member at the gathering (there may well be other relatives at the event as they’ll all want to come and see the foreigner who maybe be marrying into the extended family). It goes without saying that you shouldn’t drink too much, talk loudly and boorishly or do anything to make the parents think you are unworthy!
Food: as eating is one of the pillars of Asian society, make 100% sure that, if the gathering is at your Asian woman’s home, and the mother has cooked the meal, you at least try everything set down before you. Whilst both parents are important, mother is the most important and can make or break a burgeoning relationship; compliment her on the delicious food, thank her for taking the time to make and it, even though she will probably say “no”, offer to help with the washing up. Given that the “power” in most Asian households is held by mother, getting on her right side is absolutely essential.
The list of what to do and what not to do when meeting the parents of your Asian women, not only for the first time, can be long and daunting but, don’t despair, it’s not that hard to assimilate if you continue to use your brain and think before you act….